Decide Who You're Becoming
Purpose Means Nothing Until You Choose It
ReCode Series I Chapter 4
Last month, we talked about Definite Purpose. I asked you: "Where are you going?" We talked about your heart's desires. We talked about giving your inner leader somewhere to freaking go. We used the 5F Compass. Faith , Family, Finances, Fitness and Fun to start creating direction for the life you actually want. But here's where people get stuck. They think finding their purpose is the finish line. It's not.
Finding your definite purpose is where some of the hardest work begins. Because now you have to make a decision. Not just, What do I want? but What am I willing to change to have it? And that's a completely different question.
YOUR NEW LIFE IS GOING TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE
We talk a lot about getting out of our comfort zones. But here's the crazy part. Sometimes what we're calling "comfortable" isn't even comfortable. It's painful, it's dysfunctional, it's exhausting, it's just familiar and the nervous system loves familiar. We become so accustomed to a certain kind of pain that freedom feels more frightening than staying where we are.
You know how to survive this pain. You've practiced it. You've built tools around it. You know exactly who you are inside of it. But becoming someone different? Now you're walking into territory you've never experienced. You may have to communicate differently. You may have to create boundaries. You may have to stop explaining yourself. You may have to leave relationships. You may have to change your relationship with money. You may have to stop hiding. You may have to walk into rooms and introduce yourself as the person you've decided to become before anybody else sees the evidence. AND THAT IS UNCOMFORTABLE! So sometimes we're not afraid of failure. We're afraid of freedom on the other side of change.
SOME OF YOUR EXCUSES ARE EXPIRED
This one might hurt a little. There was a time when your explanation was valid. You were hurt. You were betrayed. You weren't supported. You didn't know better. You didn't have the tools. You were surviving. Honor that.
But eventually we have to ask. Is this still an explanation or has it become an excuse? Because some of our excuses are freaking outdated. We carry them around long after we've gained the awareness, resources and ability to choose differently.
'That's just who I am."
"I've always had an attitude."
"I don't trust anybody."
"I have a resting bitch face."
"My family has always been like this."
"I'm bad with money."
"Nobody supported me."
"People always leave."
Okay. Maybe that explains something about who you were. But does it still get to decide who you're becoming? At some point, awareness creates responsibility. Not blame. Responsibility! You do not have to blame yourself for what created the pattern. But once you can see the pattern, you have to decide whether you're going to continue to practice it.
YOU HAVE TO DECIDE TO LET GO
And sometimes the hardest decision isn't what we're moving toward. It's what we're willing to release. Especially when someone hurt us. Sometimes we hold onto the person, the betrayal, the anger and the injustice because letting go feels like we're letting them off the hook. We're waiting for justice. We want them to understand what they did. We want them to feel what we felt. We want an apology. We want Spirit, God, Karma, the Universe, whatever language you use to handle their ass.
I understand that but here's what I've learned. Holding onto someone doesn't punish them. It keeps you connected to them. Your attention is still there. Your anger is still there. Your emotional energy is still there. They're still occupying space in the life you're trying to create. My spiritual belief is simple. Release what isn't yours and allow Spirit to handle what belongs to them. Letting go doesn't mean what happened was okay. It doesn't erase accountability. It doesn't mean you can't pursue justice, create consequences or protect yourself and it doesn't require you to forgive somebody before you're ready.
It means you stop requiring their punishment, apology or understanding before you give yourself permission to be free. Because if you're waiting for them to change before you can move forward, they're still making decisions about your life. I refuse! I don't want to get caught in the crossfire carrying energy that doesn't belong to me. You handle your shit, I'll handle mine. Spirit can handle the rest.
YOU HAVE TO WANT YOUR LIFE
This is where the decision becomes critical. You have to want your life. Not the life everybody else thinks you should have. Yours. You have to want freedom more than you want familiarity. You have to want peace more than you want to prove somebody wrong. You have to want the future more than you want the excuse. You have to want yourself enough to fight for yourself. And when I say fight for yourself, I'm not talking about fighting everybody around you.
I'm talking about fighting the programming that keeps convincing you to abandon yourself. Sometimes fighting for yourself looks like saying no. Sometimes it looks like leaving. Sometimes it looks like staying and doing the work. Sometimes it looks like getting help. Sometimes it looks like shutting the hell up instead of reacting. Sometimes it looks like finally speaking. Sometimes it looks like putting your name on the damn thing and calling yourself what you know you are, with confidence.
STOP LETTING OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS MAKE YOUR DECISIONS
This might be one of the biggest reasons people never make the decision. They're waiting for everybody else to be comfortable with it.
"What is my mom going to say?'
"Will my kids be disappointed?" "What if my partner doesn't understand?" "What if my friends talk about me?" "What if people think I'm crazy?"
"What if somebody laughs at what I call myself?"
"What if they don't believe in what I'm building?"
So you adjust it. You shrink. You delay. You explain. You ask permission and eventually you realize something. You didn't make the decision. Everybody else made it for you.
Every time you abandon what you know because somebody else might have an emotional reaction, you're allowing their emotions to participate in decisions about your life. That doesn't mean we stop caring about people. Leadership isn't selfishness. There are decisions that genuinely affect our families, partners, teams and communities and mature leadership considers those consequences. But consideration is different from surrendering your authority. You can care about someone's feelings without making their feelings your compass.
MAYBE YOU'RE AFRAID OF YOUR OWN POWER
We talk constantly about fear or failure. But I think some of us are afraid of something else. What if it works? What happens if you stop hiding? What happens if you suddenly become financially successful? What happens if your business grows? What happens if you finally create a boundary? What happens if you stop needing everybody's approval? What happens if you become the person you've been talking about becoming?
Because then... You can't hide behind the excuses anymore. Freedom becomes responsibility. Power becomes responsibility. Once you know what you're capable of, you have to decide what you're going to do with it. Maybe your potential feels so big that even you are intimidated by it. Good. Meet yourself there.
THE FIRST DECSION
So what's the first decision? Before the business? Before the money? Before the relationship? Before the boundary? Before the book? Before the new body? Before the title? Before everybody else believes you? Choose yourself.
Decide that your life deserves your participation. Decide that your future deserves more authority than your past. Decide that other people's opinions can be information without becoming instruction. Decide that the wound gets acknowledged but doesn't get the final vote. Then make the next decision, and the next, and the next. That's how identity changes. That's how reality changes.
THE DECISION AUDIT
Take out your journal. (You should have your own journal by now if you've been following the series. And if you don't, go get one!)
Choose one area of your 5F Compass where you already know what you want.
Faith. Family. Finances. Fitness. Fun
Now ask yourself:
What have I already decided that I want?
If I know what I want, why haven't I fully chosen it?
What familiar discomfort am I afraid to leave?
What would becoming this version of me require me to learn?
What would I have to release?
Whose approval am I still waiting for?
Whose emotions am I allowing to influence a decision that belongs to me?
What old explanation has become an outdated excuse?
What boundary does my future require?
What would the version of me who already trusts decide?
What am I afraid will happen if I actually succeed?
What decision can I make today that proves I'm serious?
Then finish this sentence:
I have decided ___________________.
Not, "I'm thinking about it." Not. "I'm going to try." Not "Hopefully." I. Have. Decided.
Now ask. What action makes that decision real? Do That!
PURPOSE MEANS NOTHING UNTIL YOU CHOSE IT.
Chapter 1 asked, "What's underneath all of this?" Chapter 2 asked, "Who's leading me now?" Chapter 3 asked, " Where am I going?" We created Definite Purpose. And now Chapter 4 asks, "Have I actually chosen it?" Because purpose isn't the finish line. Purpose gives you direction. Decision gets you moving. You may have to get uncomfortable. You may have to learn. You may have to release. You may have to disappoint somebody. You may have to stop explaining yourself. You may have to let Spirit handle what no longer belongs in your hands. And you may have to become comfortable with a level of freedom you've never experienced before. But this is your life. At some point, you have to decide that you want it. Not when everybody understands. Not when nobody is judging you. Not when the fear disappears. Now. Decide who you're becoming. Then stop negotiating with the version of you you've already decided to leave behind.
This is ReCode!
Laura El
The Intuitive CEO
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